Potluck Season Has Begun!

It's that time of year again. Potluck season. I'm not sure why Christmas holidays and potlucks seem to go hand-in-hand, but they do.

In fact, our company's potluck is coming up this week. HR sent out the reminder to everyone today along with a list of who's bringing what. Naturally I had to check out the "menu" to see what my tastebuds would be subjected to.

There's the standard chili, meatball and Mexican layer dip offerings. There's also some more exotic dishes like pakoras and something else I can't pronounce, let alone spell properly. It also appears our legal counsel is bringing KFC because as he says "Everyone secretly loves KFC." (I took that to mean that he secretly loves KFC and is looking for an excuse to go pick some up.)

Last year I brought a homemade potato sausage soup but found it made my hour+ long commute into the office too stressful. (There's something terrifying about a steaming hot pot of soup sloshing around in your car while you try to manoeuvre the on-ramps and rush hour stop-and-go traffic.) So this year I was looking for something easy.

I consulted the Interwebs to see what others had to recommend. This is when I came across something called a Pretzel Jello Salad. Seriously.

For a very brief moment I considered it as my potluck contribution... you know... as a gag. But I couldn't go through with it. Instead I am dusting off an old recipe for a curried crab dip.

"I voted for Obama, but I didn't vote for that dress..."

Everyone's blogging or writing or talking about Obama's history-in-the-making win. You can't really escape it. It's everywhere.

But today I came across an article with a different spin. An article that really delves into the important matters surrounding the election... like what the hell was Michelle Obama wearing???

Perhaps not Pulitzer Prize winning journalism, but I have to agree... what was Michelle thinking?

Halloween of Horror

An annual Halloween tradition at our house is for LB to scare the crap out of kids. This year was very successful, but not as successful as years past.

LB rigged his scary dummy on the porch propped up on a rocking chair and tightly grasping the bowl of candy. Scary sounds (thanks iTunes!) emanated from just inside. The kicker was Lorne's "Jason" mask and the use of the flash on his camera to illuminate his face. Oh and throw in a small invisible wire used to rock the scary dummy when the kids reach for candy.

Tee hee. Good time had by all.

But while we had several frightened kids that were afraid to approach the house (even with the lure of candy!)we didn't have a single one of them cry this year. Is LB losing his touch?

P.S. LB says I missed the first group of young teenage girls who apparently nearly shit themselves and ran screaming down the street. I always miss the good stuff. ;)

Not a Serial Blogger

It has occurred to me that I suck at blogging because when I do get "down time" the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer.

Yesterday was glorious. I had a whole day of down time and I decided to spend it reading. It didn't even cross my mind to blog.

So where does that leave me? Blogging at work I suppose. But shhhh... don't tell my boss.

McCampaign

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Not for YouTube

This is a video I did not take of LB using my hair dryer then our leaf blower to dry off the patio set so that we could play Scrabble on the deck after the rain.

You're Welcome

I can only assume that this wonderful weather we are now experiencing is because I gave up all hope for a proper summer and put flannel sheets on our bed last week.

So, you're welcome.

Ben Affleck, Darth Vadar and Helen's Wedding

My dreams are usually pretty straightforward - like a mini-TV movie of the week. They have a logical beginning, middle and end. (LB would probably say I would have it no other way...)

From time to time however, I have a dream that I just don't get. At all.

A good case in point was a dream I had several years ago where I was totally making out with Ben Affleck. Ewwwwwww... I can't stand Ben Affleck. That dream shook me up for weeks.

Then the other night I had the most bizarre dream. It took place in a typical school gymnasium that started out as the scene of my friend Helen's wedding. I was accompanied by one of my old boyfriends. (Sorry LB but I had no control over who my date was in the dream. Of course I would have picked you!)

Anyway, there were hundreds of people packed in this gymnasium when Darth Vadar, yes, that's right - Darth Vadar, began shooting at people in a giant game of laser tag.

Okaaaaay...

Apparently I suck at laser tag (at least in the dream) so I was out early and was asked to move into a giant auditorium. In this auditorium sat my entire company ready for a briefing on what was happening at this big tradeshow we were participating in that was opening in 10 minutes. I suddenly turned to my Event & Program Manager when I realized we hadn't finished preparing the demo schedule yet.

Thankfully at that point my alarm went off.

Now, I get the last bit of the dream. We do in fact have a big tradeshow coming up in October that is big on the spend and big on the resource drain. So it's natural I would be worrying about the little details and that they would creep into my dreams.

But the other bits?

Helen's wedding hasn't happened yet. Perhaps I was having a premonition that she was theme-ing her entire wedding around Star Wars? Or maybe she's offering both dancing AND laser tag after the dinner? (Editorial note: Both of the above are highly unlikely. THANK GOD!)

Well, at least I know one thing for sure. There will be no old boyfriend on my arm at that wedding. LB and I have a date.

Dark Poetry, Dark Tales

A colleague of mine in the UK apparently has a bit of a creative bent. However it's a creative bent on the "darker" side of nature.

I recently picked up his first published collection of short stories and poetry aptly called Dark Poetry, Dark Tales.

I'll never look at him the same way again. Some of the imagery used is just downright disturbing. Thankfully there are some lighter pieces that cleanse the pallet... but then just as quickly hurtle you back into general wickedness.

All in all a good read. I even gave him a positive review. But maybe that's because now that I've seen inside his twisted mind, there's a little part of me that's scared of him? ;)

Battle of the Water Bottles

I just recently switched to a stainless steel water bottle. I switched in part because of all those fears about plastic leeching into our food, our drinking water, etc. This feature article in Discover magazine was the real kicker for me.

But the big reason I switched was because I just don't like the smell of plastic water bottles. Seems like no matter how much you wash and rinse them, all you can smell is plastic when you go to take a big gulp of water. It's disgusting.

So now I have a shiny stainless steel klean kanteen water bottle. Problem is that every time I take a sip from it, all I can smell is metal.

*sigh* Sometimes you just can't win...

For Mr. Lem

While LB has been away skiing (yes, I do realize it’s July but he found snow to drag his athletes to) I’ve been puttering around the house pulling things out of places and putting things back in place. This is also known as “spring cleaning.”

One of the items I came across was a print out from a high school class given by Mr. Lem. Mr. Lem was one of those great teachers you never forget. He had a way of relating to his students and helping them learn on their terms. He was a history teacher who brought history to life.

I remember once – while we were studying the French Revolution – he turned our classroom into a mock National Convention where we acted out the trial of Louis XVI. (Unfortunately Louis’ fate was no different in our re-enactment and he was indeed sentenced to be executed.)

It was towards the end of the year when Mr. Lem handed out a recap of all that we learned over the semester as a sort of “primer” for our upcoming exam. The printout summarized all the movements, interesting historical figures and other events we learned about… but in relation to gardening.

It started with this opening statement and quote:

And now for something completely different…

“People are kind of like flowers… and its been a pleasure walking through your garden…”
- Lord Byron

And then went on to explain in further detail:

The Medieval Garden:
Thank you God, for this Garden. They will be done.

The Garden of the Scientific Revolution:
If you plant the see and you water it, and you make sure it gets some light… you will have a garden.

Louis XIV:
The flowers are mine. I am the Garden.

The Enlightenment Garden:
This is how flowers should be grown.

The Revolutionary Garden:
Down with the Gardener… Long live the Flowers!

Napoleon’s Garden:
I want to make a BIG garden.

Metternich’s Garden:
I like the way the garden looked before…

The Industrial Revolution and Its Effects on Gardening:
Now you can have your very own garden in minutes!!! It slices, it dices, it sows, it plants, it waters, it harvests…but wait, that’s not all!...

The Romantic Garden:
We should just let the flowers grow.


The Socialists:
You guys are working too hard…

The Nationalists:
I wish we had our own garden.

The Imperialists:
Let me show you how to make a garden JUST LIKE OURS.

Bismark:
Hey, can I borrow your shovel Sam? Hey Joe, if you give me some dirt, I’ll lend you my shovel. Jane, have you got any seed? (Hey Bill, watch this. We’re going to have a real neat garden when I’m done.)

Einstein:
Garden? What garden?

Tolstoy:
Well, I think it’s a pretty nice garden, but the bees think of it as dinner… and the cat uses it for a litter box.

20th Century Intelligentsia:
Well, what is a garden anyway?

Freud:
Tell me. Did your father have a garden?

The Cold War Garden:
You stay on your own side of the garden.

Robert Frost:
I’ve never seen this garden before…

Betty Friedman and Simone De Beauvoir and Gloria Steinham:
Well you’re not the only ones who can plant some flowers you know…

Nixon:
I didn’t put those rocks there. I don’t know how they got there. I am not a gardener!

Vietnam War Garden:
I’ve got some pretty wicked weed killer for you.

Martin Luther King’s Garden:
What do you mean all flowers are different?

The Tiananmen Garden:
I don’t care whose flowers those are, they’re growing all over the place.

Gorbachev:
I used to have a garden once

Ironically, I don’t know if Mr. Lem was really into gardening or not. But I do remember him telling the class that he had given his girlfriend at the time a special gift starting with the letter R and having only four letters. Naturally we all assumed it was a ring and that he was getting married. Instead, he just smiled and said it was a rake.

Sucker Punch

A friend and former colleague of mine recently lost her husband to cancer. He had been fighting it for about two years but lost the battle. The service that was held was beautiful but it saddened me to see the loss of such a good man and to see my friend suffer so much grief.

They didn’t have any children together, but they did have McDuff – a very spirited Westie – so I took some comfort that McDuff would at least be there for her.

I was gob smacked when just a few days later I received an email from my friend (I was travelling at the time.) that McDuff had passed away. She had noticed he wasn’t feeling well and had taken him to the vet. 24 hours later, he was gone. To cancer.

Sometimes it’s a very cruel world.

Merry Old England Ain't So Merry

On yet another business trip. Back to England I've come. Now, don't get me wrong I love this country. Everything is green (on account of all that rain I suspect,) the people are lovely, they sell good shoes and purses here, men still wear cuff links and they make a mean fish and chips...

But I've been here for a week and I'm still stuck at the airport.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, worse than travelling all this way to spend time putting on a conference at an airport hotel. Sure, sure, the conference went very well. But I was really looking forward to travelling home today.

And I would have been home by now if it weren't for... deportees. Yes, it appears that deportees take precedence in travel arrangements. I got bumped from my flight because UK immigration needed to send 5 (yes 5!) deportees back to Canada asap. So myself and four other travellers got the old "heave ho" and I'm now camped out at another airport hotel drowning my sorrows in the mini bar. (Note to hotel owners: You really should make those mini bar wine bottles just a wee bit bigger...)

On the positive side, I now know where all the Boots and WH Smith's are located in each terminal. I also know that you can take the hotel shuttle to the Manchester Airport Marriott and spend time at their lovely day spa and that the train will get you into city centre in less than 15 minutes. But I'm ready to go home.

Hair Salon Mafia

I'm away on business and it occurs to me (as I look in the hotel bathroom mirror with the supercharged lights that electrify my gray roots coming in) that I'm due for a hair appointment soon. I know I pre-booked. I just can't remember for when...

So, I decide to send an email to the salon to see if they can tell me what date and time I booked my appointment for in June.

Within minutes I get a response:

THEM: "Your appointment with SuperStylist* was scheduled for June 26th, however we are in the process of moving all of SuperStylist's* appointments over as she has left the salon..."

WHAT?!

I reply quickly - in nanoseconds - with my hands typing furiously on my Blackberry:

Me: Eeek! Is it rude of me to ask where SuperStylist* went? I realize you won't be keen to tell me, and I would understand. After UberStylist* left, I was given another stylist there as a replacement who really did a number on my hair. I vowed never to return again but then you guaranteed SuperStylist* would be able to help and she has been fixing that disastrous cut ever since. We are THIS CLOSE to it being back to normal and healthy and I'm nervous to be given another stylist again...

I wait. And wait. And wait. No response. I know they are on the other end of the line and have read my email. Why aren't they responding??

Now it's been hours and I begin to wonder... Why is it that no one ever seems to know where their hairstylist goes when they leave a salon? Is it because of non-compete clauses or something more sinister like a Hair Salon Mafia? How do these people just "disappear" never to be seen again?

* Of course I gave them fake names! I worry that the Hair Salon Mafia might know I'm on to them...

It's funnier as "bitches"

Hmmmm... I wonder if "crappy pants" counts...

Article here.

Dallas: The Land of Big Hair

I now understand how "big hair" came about in the 80s. It was spurred on by TV shows like Dallas.

Dallas is located in Texas. And Texas is very humid around this time of year...

During my latest trip to Austin, I could have easily given Sue Ellen a run for her money. The humidity was unbelievable and my hair was BIG. Like supersized BIG. If only I could have gotten my layers to flip out a bit...

The List

It's staring at me urging me to "get a move on!" It's the list of things I need to do today - errands and such - and somehow it's also morphed into the list of things I need to do at work too.

11:00 a.m. and I haven't crossed a single thing off it yet. The excuses are starting already. Things like:

- I have two days to get the list done. Surely that's plenty of time. I can get to it later. (Well, actually now I'm down to a day and a half...)
- Do I really need to go out and pollute the environment by driving my vehicle into town just to accomplish some of the items on the list? Shouldn't I be more environmentally conscious?
- I haven't had any good "flake out" time lately. Maybe I should I forget the list and concentrate on me.
- It's sunny and beautiful out today. It would be a shame to waste it by running errands and such. Perhaps I should go for a walk instead. The list can wait.

Hmmmm... Have just decided to add something to The List. "Have coffee and read newspaper to catch up on local news."

Perfect. I'll get right on that. There, you see? I can accomplish something on the list after all and it's not even noon yet. Progress!

Monster Under House Arrest

Charlie (a.k.a. Monster) is under house arrest for two weeks. That means no frolicking outdoors. We're on day six. I think I'm in more pain from the house arrest than he is. He's driving me nuts.

Last Wednesday the Monster came home injured from his very merry adventures. I let him sleep it off but it quickly became clear on Thursday morning that we would have to take a trek to the Vet.

Now, as every woman who is a pet owner knows... a trip to the Vet means "Bye, bye purse that I will now no longer own."

Sure enough $250+ later I learned that the Monster has somehow managed to fracture his spine. WTF?

The real kicker is that there is nothing that can be done other than him getting some rest and administering the occasional drug to help ease the pain.

But where are the drugs they should have given me? I'm the one who has to live with his constant whining to go out. And despite my attempts to reason with him, he still keeps trying to whittle down the wood on the front door. I figure I have at least another couple of days before his scratching breaks on through to the other side.

Sure, when he walks all wobbly and such, I do feel sorry for him. But if he doesn't chill out soon I might have to start taking his Vet prescribed drugs myself.

Birthdays aren't just the same without Christmas... and discount cards

Spent this past Saturday celebrating my Mom's 60+ (she prefers if you didn't know what the + stands for) birthday back in the "home town."

As always it's great to see her. She looks FANTASTIC for 60+. Hopefully I turn out the same way. Ahhhh... but as I'm always telling my team "Hope is not a strategy."

After a nice dinner out on the town (Hungarian food if you must know) we went back to the house and climbed into our pj's before opening her birthday cards sent from family afar.

Except, they weren't birthday cards.

The first two cards Mom opened were misplaced, unopened Christmas cards! The giggles that ensued.

And then the kicker. My mom's sister (a.k.a. My "Aunt S") had sent a package. Mom had a bit of difficulty opening it because Aunt S is a really, really, really good package wrapper. It's like she has some sort of brown package vacuum sealer contraption that she uses.

So Mom gets out the paring knife, the scissors and Voila! The package is open. It's not until a little later on that she notices the card. She opens it and says, "Oh, I guess Aunt S got this card at a discount store." I nod like I know this is something Aunt S would do for sure. (She's an excellent bargain hunter.)

And then it hits me.

The card has been perfectly cropped in the corner. But I don't think it's a discount card. Heck, they don't do that to greeting cards. Only overruns on books.

And then I start to laugh. Hard.

Not only has Mom managed to open some forgotten, misplaced Christmas cards, she's also managed to cut off the corner of the real birthday card - in her zeal to open the brown paper vacuum package - Aunt S sent to her.

God, I LOVE my mom. Happy birthday!!!

Go ahead. Make my day... week... month... year

Have been way too whiny lately. Who wants to hear that crap?

Lots of good, positive things have happened lately too...

My boss gave me a plant for my office. She has a 'green thumb' and was transplanting plants and brought the wee ones into the office to distribute. But she didn't know what kind of plant it is that she gave me 'in particular.' We think some sort of cactus/aloe thing. So it's soft and good inside but with a wee bit of a prickly edge. (Reminds me of a few people I know...) I've bonded with it. And I haven't killed it yet, so that's a good sign.

My car takes premium gas. Which can be a real b*tch with gas prices these days. BUT my usual gas station is in the middle of a pump/gas upgrade so they are not serving silver and bronze. Only premium... but at bronze prices! I'm told it will be at least another five weeks before the full conversion/upgrade thing happens! The savings!

A co-worker said I looked really skinny yesterday in my outfit. Always a good sign.

But the best is... when I was getting ready to leave from work tonight. I was sifting through folders, powering down my laptop, etc. when the regular office cleaning dude poked his head around my door. (We always joke that I shouldn't be around at the office when the cleaning team comes.)

"Hi," he said. "You should be gone by now, no?"

I smiled and said: "Doing that right now."

And then the best thing ever!!! He put out his hand which revealed a Kindersurprise and said: "Ok, I was going to leave this for you on your desk. Happy Easter."

How freakin' sweet is that????

(If you must know the surprise inside was a lame ass key chain thing. I think it may be a camel or some sort of animal shape that resembles a camel. Is that possible? WTF resembles a camel? A distorted hippo?)

He made my day/week/month/2008. I can't thank him enough....

In. In. Out. Out.

So, not liking 2008 so much. Little things are getting under my skin. And for those that know me... it's unusual for the little things to get to me. I've been told many times that I "have perspective."

Normally I "Breathe in. Out. Let it go." Six words that have always been a powerful mantra to me. I've always thought life could be built around those six little words. But lately the universe has been testing my patience. My latest list of grievances:

• $2.50 garbage bags that get eaten - by god-only-knows-what creatures - within 20 minutes of being put outside (We have a pay-to-play garbage system here.)
• A bathroom skylight which has literally cracked under the pressure of the never ending snow we received this winter leaving trails of water down the walls (Insurance will cover that, right?)
• A salary review which still hasn't happened and we're now in month three of of the year...
• Line-ups to Tim Horton's drive-thrus that block traffic on the street! WTF?
• People in mini-vans.
• Inability to find my favorite bra. (Where did it GO?)
• A cat with bad breath and a penchant for *snoring* right into my face at night. Again, WTF?

Crikey. And these are just the *trivial* things. Breathe in...

The Couch Chronicles

It’s a “snow day” today… on a Saturday. The kind of day when you can’t see beyond your front step for the snow beating down. The kind of day when slipper socks and oversized sweatshirts and pajama pants are haute couture. The kind of day when you do everything – napping, reading, drinking tea, doing crossword puzzles – on your couch.

I got home very late last evening/this morning from Las Vegas. (I hate Las Vegas. But I think I’ve mentioned that before…) LB is away. So a day like today when you can’t drive anywhere and when the power keeps going out so you can’t really be productive is perfect. No guilt for not doing anything “important.”

Curled up one of our couches and all of a sudden I’m surprised. When did we get such nice couches? I mean I know when we got them, but I’m a little put off. “We have grown up couches,” I think. And then… “I think I like it.”

It’s kind of like waking up one day and looking over at your partner (drool hanging from his mouth and all) and realizing that you are exactly where you want to be. (Ok, minus the drool.) Not that I mean to compare LB to a couch and all, but it made me think about the past couches in my life like many women think about the past men in their life.

I remember a plaid one when I was younger. I think it was gray and black and charcoal and not very comfy; too stiff. It smelled off. It was relegated to the basement.

And there was another one down there too. It had a very strong flower power theme; orange and green and brown. It had a matching chair. I believe they followed me to university.

“Upstairs” I remember the L-shaped couch. Very 80’s. Beige. With flecks of brown. Comfy. Removable throw pillows. I believe that couch still exists in my family somewhere.

And then there was the “living room” set on Valley Drive. The couch that was ivory with subtle teal and rose flowers. It was never sat upon much. Or maybe it was just because no one used the living room all that often. I don’t think the couch was at fault. It still exists too. But I think it’s in storage somewhere.

I remember the first couch set LB and I bought together after the futons and hand-me-downs. It’s now residing in my sister’s basement with new slip covers. When we go to visit it is inevitably where LB ends up falling asleep.

There were two couches we also brought with us from The Farm when we moved into our house. One was disposed of very quickly; too short, too shallow, too stiff. The other stuck around for awhile. But it too eventually moved on; much to LB’s chagrin. He LOVED that couch.

I like our latest set of couches. They are exactly where I want to be. We spent months finding them. We even tested the material together to make sure it was resilient to red wine spills. But that’s another story…

Viva Las Vegas!

Am most relieved to have finally made it to Las Vegas. Getting here was not that easy…

It started with the “slight delay” (i.e. 40 minutes) leaving the ground at Pearson and was followed shortly thereafter with BIG TIME turbulence for the majority of the trip, an overhead reading light which acted more like a strobe light and made me feel nauseous, and a screaming two year old stretched out across her parents lap beside me for the duration of the four hour flight.

Note to parents everywhere: If you have to fly with young children please be considerate and drug the little ones in advance. People do it with animals. Why not kids too?

I was worried that this trip was going to end up like my Lakeland, Florida business trip of 2005. I won’t go into all the gory details on that one but let’s just say it involved a $100+ cab ride, bad directions (damn you MapQuest!), a customer that went AWOL, a hotel stay at AmeriSweet Hell (along with all the competitors in the Florida Wrestling State Championships) and a flight back that had me rerouted to Philadelphia for an overnight stay due to a severe winter storm.

So in comparison, this trip is faring much better.

I just finished day one of the conference I’m attending and it’s been great! Have met some cool people and I have yet to suffer from a nose bleed or cracked lips. (The weather here often does that to me.)

Things are looking up!

Eeek!

Haven't posted in a long time. Somehow life just got in the way.

Will vow to do better in coming weeks.

Off to Las Vegas tomorrow night to attend a conference. Stay tuned.

Universe on the Blip

Am I regressing?

Lately I've found myself dressing my salad with sunflower seeds, chick peas, bacon and Thousand Island dressing. This is the same salad I always used to put together at the salad bar at Mother's Pizzeria (and on occasion Crock N Block) when I was a kid. I haven't had that combination for years... ok, well decades... and I had it at least four times this past week alone.

And last night when I went to go set my alarm for bed, what was playing on the radio was Maestro Fresh Wes. This is the third time I've heard "Let Your Backbone Slide" in less than a week. Is he making a comeback?

Me thinks some sort of time warp is going on in the universe... Let's just hope it doesn't result in me crimping my hair and pinning my jeans with safety pins. Again.

Divas on a road trip.... denied.

Finally, I get to go to an educational conference that isn't transportation related. And it's perfect. I mean perfect for my diva comrades as well.

Alas, I will go the trip alone. None of them think they can get approval to attend. The ironic thing is that I work for a fairly anal company when it comes to these things. Anal in the sense that they hate to spend money if there's no obvious ROI - and educational conferences that are not directly related to our vertical would often mean "fat chance." (This has never really bothered me much because the company's anal-ness often translates into a much higher shareholder bonus for moi.)

But I'm sad. It could have been a road trip of a lifetime. *sigh*

Kickin' butt on the New Year's resolution

Ah ha! Success already!

Have managed to find a simple pattern for knitting a hat that does not involve circular knitting needles. This is a good thing since I have no idea how to use circular knitting needles. (I'm a self-taught knitter.)

It's only January 3rd and already I'm making progress on my New Year's resolution! Surely this must be a sign of good things to come in 2008?