Stress free air travel and how to avoid incompetent travellers

On a recent business trip I had a conversation with some colleagues about how to "avoid the dangers of incompetent travellers" in airports.

We have all learned to spot them from a distance. They usually have either:
- loads of bags,
- kids in tow,
- a wild look in their eyes,
- a general look of distress about them, or, god forbid,
- all of the above

They slow down lines, annoy the airport crew and just overall ruin any hope of having a stress free flight.

But what do you do when you arrive at the airport and encounter herds of these incompetent travellers in the general check-in line? Quite simply go to the business class line - the home of world weary travellers (mostly business travellers) with small check in bags and a look of efficiency about them. Do this even if you don't have a business class ticket. By the time you get up to the check-in counter it's too late for them to turn you away. If prompted, simply smile and shrug and say you didn't realize you were in the wrong line.

Once I even said to the check-in counter agent that I thought the other line was for group check-in given the general mayhem that seemed to be happening there. You know what he did? He smiled as if he understood and upgraded me!

Next is the security line. Dress sensibly (i.e. slip on shoes, no accoutrements, no liquids) and have your laptop ready to go. It also helps to sigh a lot as if saying "Why don't people just get it."

Oftentimes the security people will notice you and open up a new line or sometimes even motion you to the express security line - the one usually reserved for airport crew and/or handicapped travellers. While most people think airport security staff are mean, heartless and cold, they are in fact sensible people able to spot a good traveller and will reward you for making their jobs easier.

When they call for boarding you don't have to wait for your row or zone to be called. Rather board when they call for those needing special assistance or have elite status. Once again, they will not turn you away when you hand over your ticket (with your passport at the ready) even if you are travelling at the back of the bus. (After all, you checked in in the business class line, so why wouldn't you also get to board with them too?)

Demonstrate your good traveller habits. By the time you reach your seat you should already have your reading material and wallet out so that you can simply toss your carry on in the overhead bin and quickly slide in. It's a long walk from the gate to the plane. There's simply no excuse to not be organized by the time you get to your seat.

And make sure to smile at the flight crew. They like that. Being friendly and sympathetic with them pays off. Sometimes in free wine.

Yes, many travellers need education on how to be a competent traveller. This article is a good start. And perhaps governments should adopt Travel Studies as part of their national curricula.